Sent by: Garry Johal
To: Derrick
Time : 08:49 19-11-2006
Message:
I was sipping my 2nd cup of tea when I heard a furious banging on my door. Before I could say enter, a big black beast broke down the door and stumbled in. He stood there panting, hands waving around in exaggerated circles, sweat like a layer of frost on his forehead. There was fear in his eyes.Fear and urgency. He looked like a hunted animal.I could not make out what he was saying.It was only after I gave him several tight slaps that he regained his composure. "Dei!!!!Slayer coming to Singapore da!!!!" he screamed, while extending his right arm upwards, his thumb,index and pinky fingers outstretched and he shook his hand side to side with such violence that I was sure that his fist would quit his wrist and fly across the room and into my tea.I told him, "Calm doon!",to which he responded with a sharp flick of my shoulder with his left hand. He then outstretched both arms, fists closed, and spinning around, much like a top, growling,"mosh mosh". After receiving several blows from him , I restrained the great beast with some strips of plastic which I had lying about.I warned him that if he did not act like a gentleman and sit down, I would be left with no choice but to ask him to transcend my office, back to whence he came .What he did next was most baffling.When he heard about my ultimatum, he requested for a microphone from me in a most high pitch voice, and prolonged his monosyllabic utterance for several seconds.I ignored his ejaculation and explained to him that I had no interest in slaying any person. The only slaying i did was on a one-horse open sleigh, and it was only June! He countered this by requesting for a microphone again, about 3 times-"mike mike mike"- followed by-"we have to bash this dei. Its fucking slayer. I'm going to buy the tickets now,Felix is helping me."I could not , for the life of me, understand what this robust chap was saying."I care not for your tone and use of profanity.Be gone from here before I give you a damn good thrashing. I have quite alot of work to complete this day. Why, it is already tea-time and i still have 3 manuscripts to pursue.Thusly, fiend of Hades, annoy not me, throw not a wrench into my plans, bug not my life, pain me not in my neck;please, i beg of thee,migrate from my space,transgress the boundary of my office, infiltrate the membrane of the outside world. In short adieu!" He gave me a perplexed look, furrowing his brows in a pathetic attempt to understand my simple statement. He lifted his vast ass off his chair, adjusted his faded t-shirt, accused me of being meek, and sidestepped his way out of my chambers. "Good riddance", I thought to myself.